Relationships have conflict, period -> in a good relationship, you recognize what’s happened and repair it (This is called “emotional responsiveness”).Įmotional responsiveness is the basis of a healthy relationship are you open or are you closed for connection?) Relationships = connections with others (humans like connecting -> we are constantly making bids for connection -> smiles, how are yous, etc. Secure attachment = being in a relationship that is secure, which means you can feel safe knowing you can fight /disagree and not have it end the relationship. People who have had “secure attachment” in childhood are at an advantage. Most people have no idea what they’re looking for in terms of a relationship -> the focus is on fun, sex, less lonliness. Look for what makes you feel safe (is it easy, does it feel good?)Ĭan you be vulnerable and have that other person tune in and care about your vulnerability We are seeking out other people to connect with. (This is bigger than expectations, it’s like a template for how you want to be treated / what you are looking for in a relationship -> relationship standards.)ĭid you have / see secure attachment modeled?ĭo you know what a good relationship looks like? We bring our histories with us -> how we grew up, how we view / learned relationships We’re drawn to what we see as sexually attractive, but there’s more to it. Lifecycle stages of a relationship -> each phase represents a transition in a relationship Developer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
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